I sit here wondering how the hell did I get here. How did I become so fucking complacent with my belief system? When did my mind become so clouded with things that don’t actually matter? When did I start forgetting what really matters to me? I hope you’ve asked yourself the same questions so that I’m not alone here.
Sometimes what I want in life is so crystal clear and other times I can’t even remember what I was going for. It’s weird. It’s no secret that I’m a woman that loves many things and at times I find it hard to concentrate on just one thing. I love music and photography and fashion and styling and interiors, etc, etc, etc. But at some point you have to choose right? You have to focus.
The husband and I had a pretty blow out argument the other night. It wasn’t pretty. The kind of argument that makes you question everything about life and where you’re going and how the hell to into this rut and how the hell do you get out of it. You know the rut that makes you tired and angry and distant and sad. The rut that ruins marriages and dreams.
The initial starting point of getting out of a rut is to identify the problem. Asking the question what makes me happy? What makes me unhappy? Should I move? Maybe a scene change might be good? Maybe not? How does one take the first step to becoming happy? Then you have to ask the bullshit questions like, what is happiness, blah blah blah but it’s a valid question, what makes you happy, what makes me happy?
After the blowout the other night, I had to start taking responsibility for my actions. I had to start questioning my belief system. I had to start living what I was preaching.
For me a path to happiness is truly living the less is more lifestyle, because if I’m not happy with my middle class privileged life I’m sure as hell not gonna be happy with more. I started watching some documentaries about living with less and what consumerism is doing to our happiness and I am one that has been affected by this. I talk about buying less and spending money on nicer things but I too fall victim to buying for the sake of buying. And this is getting me nowhere except an empty bank account and an angry husband. It should be about using my creative abilities to come up with fun ideas about fashion and styling instead of following the path of everyone else and only looking to the high street or wherever for inspiration. Inspiration comes from those following a road less travelled.
In order for me to become an inspiration I have to stop following the crowd. I have to stand my ground and say enough is enough. I will not give in to consumerism, to trying to fit in, to having my eyes stuck to a screen. When did I become so selfish? When did I start turning to people for approval and when did I stop being creative in my own way? I have to start using my abilities to create more with what I have and stop searching for things to fill a void. And a very important question to ask myself, why is there a void in the first place? What am I missing? And how am I going to fill it? Have you guys ever been in this place? I would assume I am not the only one here, right?
What steps did you take to improving your life, steps towards true happiness? Because one thing I know is happiness has to come from me, I’m not going to find it anywhere else.
Here are some documentaries and books I would suggest reading. I’m suggesting these because I am trying to pave a new way for myself. I want to live with less, I want to spend less money, I want to spend more time with my friends, I want to collaborate with more people. I want my life to be about we and not me. And I truly believe this. I have to change my mindset and I hope you will join me for the ride too.
The True Cost - documentary
Living on One Dollar - documentary
Minimalism - documentary
Fashion Revolution - website
Black Neon Digital website/podcast
Just to name a few. I will be compiling a list of books and more documentaries, etc. If you have a book or website that you would like to share with me please do!!!!!
Let’s be happier together!
Ok all the personal bullshit is over.
Thanks for listening.
Kelly xx
